Stage Debut

I’m still behind but getting closer to catching up. As a foretaste of things to come, here is Molli Malou’s stage debut (200MB, .avi format).

Technically it isn’t great: the original video was about 1GB, so I had to lose a lot of quality just getting it down to 200MB. And it seems to have stretched the video vertically for some reason, but not too awfully. Anyhow, the audio is fine.

And speaking of the audio: I had to choose between laying down subtitles or getting the video out before summer vacation, so I opted for the latter. It will therefore be utterly incomprehensible to Molli Malou’s anglophonic family and friends. But come on, most of you have watched opera in other languages without being too terrible troubled, so let me briefly summarize the scene for you.

(Hmm… I am fighting down the impish impulse to write something totally off-the-wall… Must… tell… truth…)

Okay, it was a first-grade production. Keep that in mind. The piece itself was a hodge-podge of Danish and international fairy stales — some from the old books, some from recent cinema — stitched together very loosely by the narrative device of four bored girls entertaining themselves with a big old book of fairy tales. (These are the “ordinary” girls in “normal” street clothes who intervene at one point in this scene.) So you’ve got all these mixed-up fairy tales, legends, and myths overlapping all over the place, jacked up with songs consisting of rewritten lyrics to Danish and international pop (and musical theatre), all of it scripted together by one of the teachers.

Molli Malou plays Priness Julie (pronounced Yulia — in Danish it’s “Romeo & Julie,” so she’s supposed to be, you know, Juliet). She comes onstage accompanied by some noble ladies — her entourage — and they wander into the Good Soldier Svejk, who has just wrapped up a scene with a wicked witch.

Svejk says, “Wow! Hey princess, you wanna catch a flick?” And Julie says, “No thanks, I’m not really in the mood, nor do I have the time. We’re on our way to see the new pig-boy (pigkeeper, swineboy, whatever) — he’s supposed to be so sweet!”

Svejk shuffles off disappointedly, and Julie and her ladies approach the pig-boy. The exchange goes something like this:

“Good day, pig-boy, what’s your name?”

“Romeo.”

“Romeo! That’s certainly a nice name.”

“Thanks a lot, your royal highness.”

“Drop the formal stuff, my name is Julie.”

“Um…”

“How lovely it must be to be outdoors all day! To be one with nature!”

“That’s what you think.”

“It’s a lovely pot you have.”

“It’s just a normal pot.”

“No, no, just smell — It’s like you can smell what everyone’s favorite food is. At once.”

“If you’re so keen on the pot, you can have it — once I’ve had my lunch.”

“Thank you very much, but I couldn’t accept it. I’d love to buy it from you. How much do you want for it?”

“I dunno. Whattaya wanna give? You’re the one that wants to buy it.”

“Shall we say you get… thirty kisses? And then I get the pot?”

“Are you stark raving mad?!”

Then they go into the musical number. Juliet sighs over romantic dreams but Romeo remains practical and unwilling to get too involved with the dreamy princess. The noble ladies wonder aloud how it can be a Romeo and Juliet scene with just Juliet, since Romeo sneaks off mid-song, but Juliet drags him back by the ear in time for the end.

At this point the “modern” girls enter and tell Romeo not to get involved in any of that kissing business.

“I can’t go along with that business about the 30 kisses, Julie,” he says.

“Yeah, whatever, fine, so we’ll say 20.”

“That’s too much… Five kisses max.”

“You can’t mean that, Romeo! Shall we say 15?”

“No, ten, but that’s my final offer.”

“Okay, ten it is. Will you count, girls?”

To the tune of “The 39 Lashes” (from Jesus Christ Superstar), the noble ladies count off 10 kisses. Molli Malou assures us these did not actually happen, which is why they are concealed in the blocking.

Then the king and queen enter. The king asks what’s going on here and the queen says, “the pig boy is smooching our daughter… and kissing her.”

“This is a scandal!” says the king, “We must toss them both out at the gate!”

“You’re loony,” says the queen, “they just have to get married.”

“Yeah, mom, that’s a good idea!” says Julie.

“NOOO!” wails Romeo, “Throw us out the gate! For God’s sake, throw us right out!”

The king says, “Once the queen has decided something, there’s nothing to be done… son-in-law.”

The everyone leaves except Julie, who’s supposed to toss the pot away and say, “Out with that pot,” which makes no sense in English but is a Danish expression meaning, “That takes care of that!”

And, indeed, that takes care of that! Enjoy!