Not Normal

Sorry there hasn’t been more. I’ve been nest-feathering, or whatever you want to call it, and it’s time-consuming.

You want to start downloading the videos. There are two, and they’re both short.

The first is Trine filming me as I kangaroo-care Maddie on December 4. The second is me parting from Maddie this afternoon (Dec 5).

This is of course still the Molliblog. Eventually it will morph into the MolliAndMaddie blog, or the M&N blog, or, if Maddie really ends up being Maddie Marie, the MM&MM blog. Lot of damn Ms. Anyway, Molli Malou is a little bent out of joint. She’s having a hard time with this. Not unexpected, but still.

Yesterday I barely made it to børnehaven in time to pick her up. Then we had to rush home, change into her fancy gymnastics outfit, then dash off to gymnastics. About 5 minutes before the end of the class she came trudging wearily out of the gymnasium.

“Daddy, I’m tired,” she said.

She wasn’t tired. She was sad and confused. But she didn’t understand that.

I took her out to dinner. It was the first time ever I took her out to a restaurant, by myself. Just the two of us. She ordered a burger and fries. I sprang for a Fanta.

Yeah, it perked her right up, so she was awake until 10. Tonight, too. It’s hard on her. She was sad today in børnehaven, they said. She kept saying she wanted her mor or her daddy. She was standoffish with the other kids, even her best friends. Apparently at the end of the day she got mad at someone and said “I don’t want to play with you anymore, or YOU, or YOU, or YOU! I want my daddy! I’m leaving!”

And she stormed out of the room they were all in. And coincidentally enough, I had just arrived and was standing there looking for her. She walked straight up to me, then turned around and threw her arms up in the air. It was the classic “up to daddy” move, but without her saying anything. I scooped her up and asked what was wrong (I had not been privy to the previous scene, obviously.) And suddenly she began bawling.

My heart turned to ash.

Anyway, we came home and had a lovely evening together. I built the Ikea sheleves I’d bought while she watched all her favorite movies: Monsters Inc, Little Mermaid, and all the Christmas shows on Danish TV.

She’ll get through this, it’s just so painful.

Meanwhile, her sister is thriving. She had a doctor visit this morning and Trine excitedly described the doctor’s conclusion as, “she’s just normal!” The nurse, Ditte, overheard this, and said, “She’s better than normal. For a baby her age, the way she breathes and eats and needs so little care… she’s very strong!”

So she’s NOT a normal 8-week premie, and that’s a wonderful thing!

She’s doing so well they’re preparing to kick her out of Rigshospitalet and send her off to Glostrup Hospital, the justification being that they need the hospital space at Rigshospitalet “for kids who need it.”

By their reckoning, Maddie doesn’t need “that kind of care.” She just needs to keep eating and growing. Eating’s still hard for her, but she’s getting better and the doctors seem convinced she’ll be a fine little eater within two weeks of her birth. She’s strong and robust and hearty. Her mother is also coming along nicely and may be completely discharged withing the course of this weekend.

I am exhausted and going to bed. But just to have a still picture of Maddie in the blog, here’s a shot I took either right before or right after the second video you’ve downloaded. That’s my hand. There’s no photoshopping going on here: it’s my hand and Maddie.